Tardiness

Having spent almost an entire lifetime perfecting the art of being on time, I have found it challenging to recalibrate my internal timeliness equipment. I had it down to a science- arriving just a few minutes before my scheduled time at work or a few minutes after the starting time on a party invitation. After ten years of having a car in the same city, beyond acts of God or PennDOT, I was reasonably sure of getting myself almost anywhere at the appropriate time. The appropriate time for me.

Call it conditioning, call it neurosis, or maybe it is just spill over from fear of the late bell at school- I don't like to keep people waiting. And, especially when I am going somewhere new, I like to have a few minutes to spare to orient myself, quelling any social anxiety or getting my footing. I know myself. But, car free, I am a slightly new self.

I was chatting with a friend recently about this phenomenon- traveling by bus or on foot and yielding to another set of assumptions about when and where I will arrive. She commented that there is a certain level of ceding control in the situation. That is true, to an extent- perhaps the first few times. But as it is a losing battle, surrender comes quickly and quietly. In the past, I have felt less in control in my car during traffic jams or trying to stand firm against the tyranny of certain car mechanics.

I accept that sometimes, if I take the bus, I will either be very early, or very late to parties- bus schedules don't necessarily run on my schedule. And I accept all of the consequences of that, including apologies and accepting acceptance from gracious people who love me anyway- even when I don't live up to my previous image of myself. I understand that if I want complete control over when I will reach some destinations, I will need to walk there(or bike- but that's for another post). I understand the consequences of that, too- sometimes arriving less than fresh and not bearing largesse too heavy to carry. But the more I walk the walk- or bus the bus- the more I learn about myself- my new self. She is far more flexible than I imagined.