Power of Positive Giving

I am going to start keeping money in my pocket. Singles, quarters--whatever I need in change for people who are asking for a little help. One of my co-workers was talking about how she does this, so that she doesn't feel vulnerable about taking out her wallet, but can still help out. It may seem obvious, but this seemed like a revolutionary idea to me.

Walking to work and the grocery store, I meet more people who need fifty cents for the bus, or a couple of dollars to get something to eat. Many more people than when I was driving everywhere. It is not easy to type, but when I am asked, I almost always say "no", even when I have it in my bag. And it's been knawing at me. Since Haiti.

It's not that it didn't bother me before. Like many people, I struggle with guilt and doing the "right" thing. But I always rationalize not giving money to people asking for it on the street, either actively or passively. I would give, or plan to give, to shelters, food banks and other services for people in desperate circumstances--this was giving safely, with no risk for me, and doing more good, I would tell myself. Once on the subway I gave a street musician a dollar and the classmate I was with harangued me for fifteen minutes about feeding myself first--I was struggling to get three full meals a day and stay in school. It was a long time before I gave again.

When the earthquake and disaster happened in Haiti in January, I was disgusted with myself. I "shopped" for the right organization to donate to. I chose one I thought had a good plan for getting aid where it needed to go fast, and I am not sorry. But I'm sorry that it took me so long to think of a dollar here and fifty cents there as direct aid for my neighbors. Especially now, when I feel the most financially secure I have felt since I was ten years old.

Many years ago when I was in a bad place in my life--a really lonely place--I read a thrift store copy of The Power of Positive Thinking. I still have it; it's in really good condition. When I got past some of the specific Christian references, I found it really helpful, even inspiring. In one section, Peale talks about buying a bottle of alcohol for a homeless man on Christmas--because it was what he most wanted and needed at that moment. I have thought about that passage many times. I'm still not really sure what I think about it. Maybe what I think about it, and how I feel about it, are different.

For now I am going with how I feel. And when the two guys sitting on the sidewalk outside of the Giant Eagle, the two really friendly guys, wave at me, I can smile back with a lighter heart. I have to carry around more change now, anyway. My three month bus pass stint is over, and I'll need money to catch the occasional bus. It's walk-to-work season.